After deciding that their frail, elderly mother can no longer live alone, a family brings her to a nursing home, hoping she'll be well cared for.

The next morning, the nurses bathe the old woman, feed her a tasty breakfast, and sit her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seems fine, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems fine, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright.

This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

Här kommer en annan:

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke,
when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off
the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces
to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she
is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of
condom she prefers.

"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

Och en tredje....

There was a man walking on the beach in California one day and suddelny he heard someone cry.

He looked around and saw a girl without arms or legs a bit further away.
he walked to her and asked why she was crying.
"I am 23 years old, I have no arms och no legs, and, I've never been kissed".

So the man feels pity for her and lifts her up and gives her a kiss, puts her back on the beach and starts walking on.

The girl starts to cry again, and the man turns around and asked, "What's up now"?
The girl says,
"I am 23 years old, I have no arms och no legs, and, I've never been screwed".

The man lifts her up and throws her in the ocean and yells, " Now baby, now you're screwed"!

Veckans fräckis
En 92-årig man flyttade in på ett ålderdomshem där han mötte en 90-årig kvinna - de två fann varandra på direkten. Efter att ha tillbringat ett par veckor tillsammans sa mannen:
- Vi har ju passerat våra sexuellt aktiva år, så jag undrar om du skulle tycka att det var okej att bara hålla min penis i din hand? Kvinnan blev först något förvånad över förslaget, men sa:
- Ja, inte kan det vara till någon skada att bara hålla i den. Och de kommande veckorna kunde man hitta paret på en av parkbänkarna, kvinnan med mannens penis i sin hand. En dag dök dock mannen inte upp. Kvinnan blev orolig och gav sig ut och letade efter honom. Ett par bänkar längre ner i parken fann hon honom tillsammans med en annan kvinna. Den första kvinnan såg att den andra kvinnan höll mannens penis i sin hand, hon blev mycket upprörd och skrek åt mannen:
- Jag trodde att vi hade något speciellt, men nu hittar jag dig i parken med en annan kvinna som håller din penis i sin hand. Vad har hon som inte jag har? Mannen tittade upp med ett leende och sa:
- Parkinsons.

Det var på landsbygden i en bank.
Några maskerade män rusar in och skriker "Lägg er ner , detta är ett rån."
Alla slänger sig ner på golvet utom Axel som står rakryggad. Mannen skriker på nytt "Lägg dig ner..."
"Nej, Jag är specialagent." svarar Axel.
Då höjer dom rösten ytterligare och skriker "Lägger du dig inte ner skjuter vi huvudet av dig."
"Det gör ni inte", säger Axel, "för jag är specialagent."
Rånarana blir nu tveksam och finner det lämligast att lämna banken. När dom sprungit ut hörs en förskrämd röst från en av damerna som just rest sig upp.
"Axel - du är inte Specialagent - du är ju Senildement."

Sven, den första har du ju snott av mig. =)
Det är till och med min ursprungliga text, hörru!

Det var/är jag inte medveten om.
Den har väl snurrat runt några varv i cyberspace.

Fick den av min son som mejl. Den blev inte sämre av det. ;-)

I was having trouble with my computer.
So I called Harold the computer guy,
to come over. Harold clicked a couple
Of buttons and solved the problem. He
gave me a bill for a minimum service call.
As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but
nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error?
What's that . In case I need to fix it again?"

Harold grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think
you'll figure it out."




So I wrote down I D 1 0 T

I used to like Harold

When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."


My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed.

Aren't older women great. They really know how to solve your mid-life crises....